Our man in Doha goes over, under, outside and inside the ropes of the Commercialbank Qatar Masters presented by Dolphin Energy…..

Westy sparkles at the gala dinner

If Lee Westwood ever decides he’s had enough of the game that can drive even the most sensible human beings to the brink of insanity, he could do a lot worse than make a career as a pretty good stand-up comedian, as the privileged guests at the Commecialbank Qatar Masters Gala Dinner discovered on Wednesday night. Brought to the stage to present the prizes to the winning team of the tournament Pro-Am, Westwood made a short speech on behalf of The European Tour Pros in attendance this week. Westwood, recalling the first Qatar Masters in 1998 was at his bone dry best as usual. “Guys like Paul McGinley, who is in the room tonight, myself and a few others were here for the first Qatar Masters in 1998 and so much has changed since then. Matteo Manassero was still in nappies at that time and just look at him now – he’s taller than Paul McGinley!”  

Anyone for tennis?

It’s that time of year folks when we are all full of good intentions. New Year’s resolutions of clean living and healthy lifestyles are everywhere and The European Tour is no different. After finishing the season in Dubai in December with pot bellies and generally swollen bodies, The Tour’s field staff are living the lie of trying to get fit and healthy before the inevitable slide from hotel gyms to hotel bars kicks back in (usually round about March). So here we are in Doha and among the very fortunate few who can stay at the magnificent Four Seasons Hotel, with all of its little luxuries and world class facilities. Obviously we have visited the bar a couple of times just to make sure it is of the requisite standard, but the most popular facility this week has been the floodlit tennis courts where many of our team have spent the evenings proving that the likes of Andy Murray, Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal and, of course, the indestructible Novak Djokovic, are indeed superhuman freaks of nature. There have, however, been a few moments of sporting genius out on Court Number One at the Four Seasons. Tournament Director David Probyn started the week playing like a man with the coordination of a drunk giraffe, but after two days on the court he has rediscovered the kind of serve that Boris Becker would have given his left hand for back in the day. Meanwhile, referee Paul ‘the top-spin King’ Carrigill and tournament secretary Jennie ‘the baseline Queen’ Janes are both proving that practice does make perfect. Unfortunately yours truly remains a ball of hairy, sweating fury that makes Probyn’s drunk giraffe impression look like a balletic and graceful swan. Andy Murray is the clear exception to the rule that that Scotland is not the land of tennis legends. I think I’ll be one of the first to get back to the bar……..

Was the wind a factor?

According to weather reports here in Doha, the Friday wind forecast is formidable to say the least. Gusts of up to 40 mph has Tour meteorologist Craig Mroczka quaking in his American boots. You can’t beat a good weather scare on Tour, where facts can quickly become distorted to the point of absurdity. One minute we have potential 40mph gusts, then ten seconds later they have closed local airspace and emptied every tall building in town because the strongest wind ever recorded is about to wreak biblical havoc on your location. Stripping our Friday forecast down to the bare facts, though, it does seem like we could be touch and go to play golf if the projected gusts come to pass, bringing with them ferocious sandstorms (or Shamal as they say downtown Doha) and the golfing nightmare that is the oscillating ball. These crazy winds are the talk of the Media Centre, prompting some of the more ‘experienced’ members of the Fourth Estate to recall their favourite tales of golfing hurricanes. Of all the stories told there is one stand-out classic, a tale that has it all – comedy, danger, madness and insanity, as well as some more comedy. Picture the scene. We are at the 1996 Scottish Open at Carnoustie and it is a typical Scottish summer’s day - about six degrees and, as they say up and around Carnoustie way, blowin’ a hooley (close to a hurricane). After almost being blown into the North Sea about 20 times while trying to negotiate one of the world’s most beastly golf courses in its most ferocious mood, the Media asked the Tournament Press Officer if they could have a word with the then undisputed European Number One, Mr C Montgomerie. Monty, who had carded a six over par 77 in the near impossible second round conditions, came into the Press room looking more than a little windswept and interesting. The hair had gone nuclear and the face, well, the face told its own thunderous story. Anyway, to his credit, the big man came into see the Media. He sat at the top table and awaited the first question. Up went the hand of a certain writer who, let’s just say, wasn’t blessed with an abundance of those classic journalistic qualities of awareness, instinct and intuition. And so the question came: “Eh Colin, eh, eh, eh, was the wind a factor out there today?” The nuclear hair and thunderous face combined to create one of the most volcanic Monty reactions of all time (which, dear readers, is quite a statement). “Was….was…was……WAS THE WIND A FACTOR?!?!?” he roared back at his dumb inquisitor. “I’ve just hit driver, driver, one iron into the sixth and you want to know if the wind was a factor!!!” The rage in Monty’s roar was only matched by the rest of the packed Press room’s roar of laughter……..

Over the limit….

Define irony: Taking a phone call from the Bank of Scotland informing you that you have (once again) gone over your overdraft limit whilst you are sitting at a star-studded dinner in the CEO of Commercialbank's house!